Midnight Madness Blog

- 2008
- 2007

Side Effects May Occur

 I rate this article, as spoiler level 1/5.  That's code yellow.

"Midnight madness this year is about discovery," says head honcho of all things midnight, Colin Geddes.

He's sorted through gabillions of movies, year after year-- a sort of human litmus test for cinematic irritants and stimuli.

(Another good friend of mine makes money taking mystery pills for medical research; and I often worry about the long term effects; but this is for the good of society-- and I suppose the bank accounts of devil worshipping corporate conglomerates that Lloyd Kaufman (Poultrygeist) is often talking about)

If there's anything to worry about after watching a million bad films to find that one diamond in the rough, I suppose many of us will share the same fate.

Whether it's getting a lame song stuck in your head that accidentally slips out at an inopportune moment... or having IQ points permanently seared from your brain by the sheer radioactive stupidity of plotless drivel--

There's a reason I never became a doctor or a lawyer. And that reason is between me and my largely non-porn DVD collection.

But despite it all, Colin has once again endured and survived all, major motor functions still intact, with little side effects to speak of!

But that doesn't mean we will.

Because good movies have side effects too;

Like trying to convince your friends that the new Jean-Claude Van Damme (Bloodsport, Double Impact) movie is brilliant and intellectually stimulating.

People start to question your credibility when you say this IS the most unexpected performance from an actor you've seen since Tarantino's turn in Suki Yaki Western Django.

These kind of questionable quotes have a way of trickling down into your life and affecting bank loans, murder alibis, references of character.

Now, I'm not on a steady Cannes diet or anything...

(JCVD, incidentally, was discovered at Cannes) 

And my grammar might be terrible, but I can still kind of read. What I'm trying to say, is, this movie R0XXX0RZ!!1.

And I need to credit random happy guy walking on north on Yonge street who enthusiastically approached me and my friend after the film, grinning; he goes "You guys at JCVD?"

A couple sentences later, he's telling us how Mr. Damme sure shut us up with that monologue.

I later described the monologue as heart-breaking.

And I keep catching myself talking about this movie's unabashed truthfulness-- only adding in minor details of that behemoth one take action scene it fires off with, so I don't look like a complete sap. But Jean-Claude Van Damn; that guy really poured his heart out.

(insert Fresh Prince of Bel Air royalties were applicable)

You know, I remember a time when I'd see an action movie and the kind of small talk I'd get after was like; "Dude, that slowmo explosion with that chopper crashing into the orphanage-- that was awesome."

Or, "When he round-house kicked those eight guys in that narrow elevator, without spilling his latte--"

But there we were, walking away, hyping the emotional potency of a redeemed action star.

Yeah, Discovery, like the man said.

I'm starting to discover things, softer aspects of my nervous system, and I'm not sure that's going to help when I watch Deadgirl, Acolytes, Martyrs.

I think the plan here is to soften us up for the kill; or perhaps just to kill us repeatedly.